Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself — your sense of your own value and abilities. When you have healthy self-esteem, you believe that you matter and that you are capable of doing good things. Psychologist Abraham Maslow included self-esteem in his famous “hierarchy of needs,” a model that describes the basic things all humans need to thrive. Just like we need food, water, and safety, we also need to feel good about who we are.
Self-esteem starts building when you are very young, even before you start school. The American Psychological Association explains that your relationships with parents, teachers, and friends all shape how you see yourself. When the people around you encourage you and treat you with respect, you learn to value yourself. Over time, your experiences — both successes and setbacks — add up to form the picture you carry of yourself inside.
Having healthy self-esteem does not mean thinking you are perfect or better than everyone else. It means accepting yourself as you are while knowing that you can always learn and grow. People with healthy self-esteem can try new things without being terrified of making mistakes. They can also handle criticism without feeling completely crushed, because their sense of worth does not depend on being flawless.
Psychologist Carol Dweck studied how our beliefs affect self-esteem and found something important. People with a “fixed mindset” believe their talents and intelligence are set in stone, so every mistake feels like proof that they are not good enough. People with a “growth mindset” believe they can improve with effort and practice, which gives them more resilient self-worth. When you see challenges as chances to learn rather than tests you might fail, your self-esteem becomes much stronger.
Many things can help you feel good about yourself in a lasting way. Achieving goals — even small ones like finishing a book or learning a new skill — gives you real evidence of what you can do. Helping others, whether through volunteering or simply being kind to a classmate, creates a warm sense of purpose. Being part of a community, like a sports team, a club, or a friend group, reminds you that you belong and that people value having you around.
Unhealthy self-esteem can show up in two different ways. When self-esteem is too low, a person might feel worthless, avoid trying new things, or become sad and withdrawn. When self-esteem is too high in an unhealthy way — sometimes called narcissism — a person might have trouble caring about other people’s feelings or accepting any kind of feedback. Both extremes make it harder to build strong, caring relationships with others.
The way you talk to yourself inside your own head matters more than you might think. Dr. Kristin Neff, a researcher who studies self-compassion, found that being kind to yourself is much more effective than being harsh or critical. Instead of saying “I’m so stupid” when you make a mistake, you might say “Everyone makes mistakes, and I can try again.” This is not about making excuses — it is about treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a good friend.
You can strengthen your self-esteem a little bit every day through simple habits. Try writing down three things you did well before you go to bed, even if they seem small. Practice saying positive but honest things about yourself, like “I worked hard on that project.” Surround yourself with people who lift you up rather than tear you down. Remember that your worth as a person is not based on grades, appearance, or popularity — it comes from simply being you.
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